A New Thing

Even after being a full time missionary, I still am not one to parade my religion about like a Snoopy Balloon. But there are times when the influence of the Lord in my life leaves me so in awe that there is no way I could just keep it in my heart.

Several weeks ago, Clifton and I met with our Bishop. There were 3 days between the time when the appointment was made and the appointment itself when Clifton and I contemplated what could possibly be in store for us. Clifton would joke that the Bishop would call me to be the Relief Society president and I would joke back that the Elder's Quorum was being changed and he was going to be the Pres. We both brushed off each other's jests. But in rare quiet moments, I actually felt like Clifton's jokes weren't very funny. I wanted to deny the feelings I had, the little heart palpitations I got when I'd think about the current RS president having served for 4 years and our new bishop talking about change. So, after my Wolf Den meeting that Wednesday, I walked down to the Bishop's office, waited for Clifton, and stewed.

When Clifton arrived the Bishop invited him in the office first. I had about 5 minutes more to stew. Then we traded. I went in and Bishop Goff invited me to have a seat. He chatted with me for a few minutes, asking me how we liked living here, how I liked my calling, then invited Clifton back in. Then the big thing--he knew I had had premonitions--he even said as much. "You've probably had feelings about why I wanted to meet with you. The Lord wants you to be the new Relief Society President." I exhaled and leaned over on Clifton's shoulder and felt the blood leave my head. I really wanted to just lie down and sleep. If I go to sleep then I can wake up and it's all been a scary dream. I was so tired at that moment. Kind of like falling asleep as hypothermia takes over in the moments before death. But all I knew I could do was say I would do my best. He went on to talk about all the things for which I would be responsible. I tell you, the fatigue increased. I hardly recall anything the Bishop told me. We walked out of the office and my legs felt weak. I had to lean on my husband all the way out to the car.

Later that night, after the kids were in bed, I got out the list of sisters in the ward. I needed to select two counselors. Two names immediately stood out to me. That didn't happen when I was called in Primary. It took me days to be sure of my counselors. I prayed and again the names flashed in my mind. Wow! I really didn't know these women very well, if at all. One of them I had only had one phone conversation with about babysitting. Surprisingly, that night I slept very well.

Over the next 2 weeks I began to distance myself from the future and felt like it wasn't ever going to arrive. Kind of the opposite of anticipating a birthday or Christmas Day. What's that called? Dread? I don't really know. I heard from the Bishop that my selection of counselors and sisters for other RS callings had all been approved and they accepted their callings. I met with the outgoing president who briefed me on all the things that are expected of a RS presidency. News Flash: Relief Society is NOT Primary. Deflated ego, humility, ect., are emotions I am currently experiencing. In other words: Boy do I feel stupid. If there was any time I felt like I might actually be able to succeed at this like I did in Primary, I don't feel so now. Wait...I vaguely remember these same feelings way back then in the beginnings of that era. This is just about the time I started feeling the Lord telling me to chill out. My fears about what will become of my family while I am "absent" were stilled somewhat. I am feeling like things won't be so hard. I hope. I have two amazing counselors who have gobs of experience over me. That is why I felt so strongly about them. It's not about me. It's about the work. It will get done. My kids aren't going to die of neglect during this time. My husband will be okay with the burden placed upon him. THE LORD IS IN CHARGE!!!

We were all set apart on Sunday. I hardly remember the words spoken in my blessing. My 22 month old was whining all over the room and couldn't be consoled during the blessing. But I do remember a heavy warmth settle on me. It's okay. I am just an instrument. Maybe the heavy warmth was just the Lord's hand gripping me as he began putting me to use.

Wedding Rings

Several weeks ago there was a news report about two women who became friends after one lost her wedding ring in a grocery store parking lot and the other woman found it and somehow returned it to her. http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=13987981 The woman who found the ring had initially thought she might keep the expensive looking ring and sell it for money. She and her family were strapped due to the economy. The story jogged my memory of a similar thing that happened to me while on the trip to Hawaii my family took back in 2000 for Christmas.

My parents, that Christmas, decided to take us all on a trip to Oahu rather than buy us gobs of STUFF we didn't really need. I thought it was wonderful. We packed up on Christmas day and left Salt Lake saying farewell to our winter coats and the layer of icy smog choking the valley floor. We spent several days on Oahu enjoying the typical tourist sights, Pearl Harbor, Polynesian Cultural Center, pineapple plantations, and Costco. Mom and Dad surprised us with an additional side trip to the island of Kauai for one day. We left early in the morning and watched the sun rise from our airplane windows. Our good friends, the Carlos's were there staying at the Marriott resort, so we met up with them and went on a tour of the island. We saw the Grand Canyon of the Pacific, had a boat ride up Wailua River to the Fern Grotto, ate lunch at a quaint Hawaiian restaurant, then went snorkling at Poipu Beach. It was here at Poipu Beach I found what I thought would be the only diamond ring I would ever get.

I was in the restroom changing into my bathing suit. As I bent over to pick up my clothes, I saw something sparkle under the toilet. I reached down to pick it up and got a rush of adrenaline as I realized what I held in my fingers was a very expensive diamond ring. I quickly finished in restroom and ran out to our group. I showed everyone what I had found and they all expressed great awe at having made this incredible find. I think at one point I even voiced my fear that this would be the only diamond ring to ever be in my posession. My mom and Brenda Carlos, of course, said I would certainly find a man who would give me a diamond ring and it would be better than the one I was currently trying on for size.

So, I secured the ring carefully in my backpack, deep down hoping I wouldn't have to keep it and feel guilty about it. I felt sorry for whoever lost it. We talked about what we could do to possibly reunite the ring and its owner. We talked about placing an ad in the local paper or making flyers to hang around the park. There was nothing we could do right then so we went swimming and snorkling for about an hour. It was about then I heard my parents calling my name. So I gathered up my gear and walked back to where they were sitting. They were talking to some people I didn't recognize.

My mom introduced me to them, unfortunately I can't remember anything about them, except that he wore a UofU tshirt and she wore a BYU tshirt and that they were from Salt Lake. Mom asked me to show them the ring, and when I did the woman nearly cried. It was hers. Mom had seen them walking slowly around in the grass with their heads bent down. She knew what they were looking for. She approached them and asked if there was a problem. They told her they were looking for the woman's engagement ring. Mom asked them to describe it, knowing full well it wasn't necessary.

I was glad to have that out of my hands, so to speak. I was amazed that the people were members of the LDS church and the luck they must have felt that we had found their ring and wanted to return it to them. Mom often reminds me of what I said when I found the think. I don't remember saying it, but she says I told everyone that I was always hoping to get a ring from "John," just not that john.

A year and a half later I got my own ring. It may not have as many diamonds adorning it as the one I found in Hawaii, but it has a lot more meaning. And it came with a real man. A real GOOD man.

Facing Fears

I really would like to write about happy and uplifting things. I follow a blog called 71toes.blogspot.com that is all about cherishing motherhood and enjoying the little things in the lives of children. The mom-blogger seems to be a very positive woman who, in spite of her challenges, keeps a bright and sunny perspective on just about everything. I would love to be that way. But all I seem to do is complain and moan and whine about all that is going awry in my life.

So in keeping with my tradition, I will tell you I have nailed down what my very worst fear is in my whole existence.

Do you know what fear you have that makes your heart pump and the adrenaline surge? Have you ever been brought to your knees weeping and crying like a child, tears streaming, mumbling incoherently? I, like many, have a "fear" of the typical things like spiders, the weak-in-the-knees fear of heights, airplane take-offs, and getting cancer. This fear trumps those by leaps and bounds.

Nothing, I mean NOTHING compares to thinking you may never see your child again. Your own flesh and blood. I took Eva with me to Kohl's this morning to check out the sale they were having on Sketchers Shape Ups. We then walked all around the store. I didn't think about using a cart with a baby seat because I wasn't planning on getting much. It was just an opportuninty for us to walk and stretch our legs and not freeze our toushies outside. We stopped to look at girls' socks. She was playing in the clothing racks, trying on big fuzzy slippers left on the floor by someone else, and showing me colorful things she'd find. When it was time to move on to the clearance racks in the boys clothes, I turned around to pick her up and go but she wasn't where I had seen her just seconds before. I crouched down on the floor to look under the racks but couldn't see her legs. I went to the main aisle looking up and down, crossed to the infants clothing and got down again to look. A shopper with her 2 kids saw me and heard me calling Eva's name and asked if everything was okay. I told her I couldn't find my baby and described her. She and her kids started helping me look. They went to the toys to look while I kept searching and calling her name like a crazy woman through the rest of the side where we had been. When I asked an employee moments later to help me look is when I really started to lose my composure. I heard her make a call over the PA system and then it seemed like people started to come out of the clothing racks to help. The mom who first helped me told another woman to stay with me while others went around the store. I was crying, kneeling on the floor, praying and nearly hyperventilating in a funk thinking about all the terrible people in the world doing terrible things to my child. I tried to get up to help, but felt like I was one of those stupid people on tv who get slapped then yelled at to get a grip. Can you picture it?

As I finally managed to stand I saw the wonderful woman who first came to my rescue holding my baby. As she got closer to me I noticed Eva was crying, too. The woman told me she found her lying on the floor in the women's dressing room, crying. I hugged Eva so close as she sobbed and I sobbed. I am glad I had regained enough wherewithal to thank that angel and even I gave her a hug. Even as we left the store my head was still spinning with the remnants of panic and what-ifs.

This is my greatest fear. To lose a child. For some reason it was even worse than taking her to the ER in an ambulance. I knew she was okay then and would continue to improve. She never left my sight. I have a new respect for parents who have a child go missing. Even if mine was only missing for five minutes or less. It felt like two weeks. God bless the families whose children haven't been seen in months or years. And God bless their children.

Enough Already!!

This past year, and this new one, have brought our family challenges we never thought we would have to deal with. Most of all the health crises that seem to repeat themselves again and again. Not many have been life threatening, but they are just irksome enough to leave one discouraged.

We took Lauren to InstaCare in February last year to get stitches in her chin after she fell off the toilet at my parent's house. The day before Christmas Eve, we took her in again for more stitches in her chin for slipping in the bathtub.

Caleb woke up one morning last winter with a fat lip and achy mouth. We took him to the dentist who told us his tooth was abcessed and needed to be pulled out. The swelling went down and the tooth fairy finally remembered to come. (It was her first time coming to our house.)

Then in August, just after school started for Caleb, he came home one day saying his gut hurt. Through the process of elimination, and help from a priesthood blessing, we decided it was necessary to take him to InstaCare. There it was diagnosed that he had appendicitis and we rushed him up to Primary Children's Medical Center. He had his appendix removed before midnight that same day.

Lauren hurt her foot while jumping off furniture and for a day or two after complained about pain in her foot. So we took her to the same InstaCare for an X-ray, only to find out it was sprained, and there was nothing to do for her except keep her from jumping around.

Now on to Eva. She has had croup twice this winter. The first time, earlier in December, I took her to the pediatrician's office. She was prescribed the typical steroid medication to reduce swelling in the airway. She seemed to get better. Then just a few nights ago, Sunday, January 16, to be exact, the cold she had developed worsened to the point we were scared she wasn't getting enough oxygen. She was so raspy and gurgly when she breathed. We decided to take her to InstaCare, since it was a weekend and afterhours. (All of our crises, when we have been to InstaCare, have been afterhours--go figure.) The nurse measured her blood oxygen and heart rate and found the O2 low and heart rate high. The doctor was alarmed by this, so he called an ambulance to take her to Primary Children's ER. What trauma for poor Eva. She screamed during her breathing treatment, screamed whenever the nurse put the device on her foot to measure her O2 and heart rate. In fact, whenever she heard the door click open, she would start screaming because she knew it meant someone else was coming in to stick something in her face. We were discharged before midnight, and she is doing much better. She still has a cough and stuffy nose.

Back to Caleb: When school started up again after the holidays, he got a relapse of a stomach bug he'd been having on and off since around Thanksgiving. He felt well enough to go to school on the first day back, but by midmorning I got a call from his school. It scared me. I thought he was calling because he'd thrown up or had an accident. Not so. It was Caleb on the phone, but he said he found an itchy rash on his back and could I come to school to take a look at it. Over the next couple of days, we watched it progress across his back, under his left arm and across his chest. He also complained about pain in his arm and chest. We took him to the pediatrician and she diagnosed him with shingles. SHINGLES!? Are you kidding me!! We think it may be a delayed reaction to the chicken pox vaccine. He is doing much better, after a round of anti-viral meds, and the rash is all but gone.

Last of all, I kept feeling a strange popping in my lower abdomen. Last fall I went to a general surgeon and she confirmed my suspicions that I have a hernia that needs to be repaired with surgery. We are going to try to get that done later this coming summer.

So, all these illnesses and injuries are on top of all the colds and stomach flus and fevers we have had. I apologize if all this is such a downer. I just had to get it all off my chest. Please, if you think about it and remember, pray for our family to have a healthier year.