A New Thing

Even after being a full time missionary, I still am not one to parade my religion about like a Snoopy Balloon. But there are times when the influence of the Lord in my life leaves me so in awe that there is no way I could just keep it in my heart.

Several weeks ago, Clifton and I met with our Bishop. There were 3 days between the time when the appointment was made and the appointment itself when Clifton and I contemplated what could possibly be in store for us. Clifton would joke that the Bishop would call me to be the Relief Society president and I would joke back that the Elder's Quorum was being changed and he was going to be the Pres. We both brushed off each other's jests. But in rare quiet moments, I actually felt like Clifton's jokes weren't very funny. I wanted to deny the feelings I had, the little heart palpitations I got when I'd think about the current RS president having served for 4 years and our new bishop talking about change. So, after my Wolf Den meeting that Wednesday, I walked down to the Bishop's office, waited for Clifton, and stewed.

When Clifton arrived the Bishop invited him in the office first. I had about 5 minutes more to stew. Then we traded. I went in and Bishop Goff invited me to have a seat. He chatted with me for a few minutes, asking me how we liked living here, how I liked my calling, then invited Clifton back in. Then the big thing--he knew I had had premonitions--he even said as much. "You've probably had feelings about why I wanted to meet with you. The Lord wants you to be the new Relief Society President." I exhaled and leaned over on Clifton's shoulder and felt the blood leave my head. I really wanted to just lie down and sleep. If I go to sleep then I can wake up and it's all been a scary dream. I was so tired at that moment. Kind of like falling asleep as hypothermia takes over in the moments before death. But all I knew I could do was say I would do my best. He went on to talk about all the things for which I would be responsible. I tell you, the fatigue increased. I hardly recall anything the Bishop told me. We walked out of the office and my legs felt weak. I had to lean on my husband all the way out to the car.

Later that night, after the kids were in bed, I got out the list of sisters in the ward. I needed to select two counselors. Two names immediately stood out to me. That didn't happen when I was called in Primary. It took me days to be sure of my counselors. I prayed and again the names flashed in my mind. Wow! I really didn't know these women very well, if at all. One of them I had only had one phone conversation with about babysitting. Surprisingly, that night I slept very well.

Over the next 2 weeks I began to distance myself from the future and felt like it wasn't ever going to arrive. Kind of the opposite of anticipating a birthday or Christmas Day. What's that called? Dread? I don't really know. I heard from the Bishop that my selection of counselors and sisters for other RS callings had all been approved and they accepted their callings. I met with the outgoing president who briefed me on all the things that are expected of a RS presidency. News Flash: Relief Society is NOT Primary. Deflated ego, humility, ect., are emotions I am currently experiencing. In other words: Boy do I feel stupid. If there was any time I felt like I might actually be able to succeed at this like I did in Primary, I don't feel so now. Wait...I vaguely remember these same feelings way back then in the beginnings of that era. This is just about the time I started feeling the Lord telling me to chill out. My fears about what will become of my family while I am "absent" were stilled somewhat. I am feeling like things won't be so hard. I hope. I have two amazing counselors who have gobs of experience over me. That is why I felt so strongly about them. It's not about me. It's about the work. It will get done. My kids aren't going to die of neglect during this time. My husband will be okay with the burden placed upon him. THE LORD IS IN CHARGE!!!

We were all set apart on Sunday. I hardly remember the words spoken in my blessing. My 22 month old was whining all over the room and couldn't be consoled during the blessing. But I do remember a heavy warmth settle on me. It's okay. I am just an instrument. Maybe the heavy warmth was just the Lord's hand gripping me as he began putting me to use.